I Remember

Sometimes
it makes me want to cry;
they’ll never know
what I mean.what I feel.
and all because
I’m one of the frail scared ones
I’m damned brave
but that’s only in writing
Sometimes.

I want to be the one
they walk up to
and give a gentle hug.

did you know, ever
why I began some days
such a fearfultrue clearblue feather?
no, nor do I
but I know with everything
I’ve learned more here than I can do or sing or say

I want to be in the arms I adore.
but I can’t.
it’s too
late.
oh darling,
oh lilac-bound bluebird;
it’s just too late.

stagelights make crystaltears glint and
gleam
like smiles I knew so well.
he can look up at me, look up beaming
at my pale face on the stage
but still see just water dripping
he’ll never know how much these very moments stay with me.

he says “you make me stay here.”
but I say
“you make me stay anywhere.”
just think on it.
feel it in your bones.
just
live the piece.

I’ll hear his voice everywhere.
I’ll hold his half-smile in shaking hands at every ending.
He says “you can’t ever know how much you mean to me.”
I say
“but no, you don’t understand
you make me glimmer,
you make me
stay; you make me
stand”

along our insides, down our throats
seeps milky each word you tell me.

what if we
could sail these winters
on our souls?
if you could see my eyes,
and read them right,
and learn and know their nevernight
but we’re just stuck still stony clinging
to all our shallow words.
we don’t know
that speaking with the hearte means so much more.

I am strangled
by my own shadow.
you cannot know just how this aches.

they’ll never and ever know me,
and I’ll always and forever know them.
it’s too late, lilacgirl, glassybluebird.
too late.
toolate.

let fall
your flowers, your teardrops,
your whisperhopes.
the stage is full, and bare
and waiting.

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