concentric circles

I run circles in my mind,

a million miles of open grass or darkest valleys,

deep, slick

and jet black, like the shiny blue-cast fur on an unlucky cat.

seething, my eyes drip the ugliness brimming inside

tearing, ripping to shreds all I cannot stand

about what I’ve become as the world waves to me,

it passes by me idly I’m on a train watching the flashes and disconnects

the countryside flicks through my vision before I get a chance to tell them

my story, my anything, my heart… my heart, my heart, my heart.

      

I’m in the crowded station

wearing glittering, neon clothing but no one can see me,

in all my garish pain.

but then I’m laying open wide,

and suddenly all the thoughts I sent away into dusty corners and behind couches

and all the curses and doubts I disbanded to roam places I’d never know again,

free to wreak their hellish havoc on others,

but no, not me, not me, not me…

I’m laying open wide and they’re all pouring out and climbing back in,

all the ones I cast off of my soul are wedging into me again

sliding between my organs and I feel so full of their space-less weight,

their death-red hate,

I cannot breathe, i cannot breathe, i cannot breathe, i cannot…

and the ones I’d never set free, for they were too doubted

far, too weak to sail the world for they’d be found,

I am not ready to let you fly you secrets,

I thought I’d never tell oh don’t betray me now not now not now not now…

I’m laying open wide as all of the people

I’ve ever laid eyes on in my sixteen years fall into long lines,

the walls of crowds around my panic-frozen form

and they coax each naïve little secret

into their cupped, greedy fingers pick up each newborn secret read them aloud

their eyes as they stare into me;

they burn. They burn they burn they burn.

      

I run circles in my mind

I’m growing tired of running.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s